Wednesday was the last of the shots in my back. I am so glad that they are over. They most definitely do not seem to have helped any. My back has actually been hurting worse. It really sucks cause they are supposed to help. I know that it may take another week or so for them to actually show that they are helping but i just don't like the looks of the road ahead. But i will keep trudging on like i always do.
It is so hard to believe that there has been so many years pass. I just can't get it out of my head when i see my nephew Chris. He will be 18 in august and to remember how he was when he was a baby. He has gone from being 19 inches long to six foot two inches long. I look back at the years that have passed and wonder where have they gone. So many plans and goals gone. So many people gone. So much has changed. I need to get my mind off this.

Here it is the weekend. Most people look forward to the weekend. I dread the weekend. I am not exactly sure why but i do.
I want to say that i feel for any person who ever has to take care of a family member or any person that you may be close to when they have a decline in mental function. Alzheimer's disease and dementia are two of the hardest to deal with. If the person has sun downers also it can get pretty bad. i used to be able to handle anything like this. now it it getting to where it takes a toll on me both physically and mentally. I could shrug off all the mean and hurtful things the patient s would say. Now i am not so sure if it is because I am getting older and i just don't have the patience i used to or if it is because i am emotionally involved. it never helps when the person you are helping seems to know exactly what words to say to push these buttons that make you seem like you are gonna explode. I have worked in nursing homes since i was 16 years old off and on. I have also done my fair share of private duty cna work. But one man knows how to get to me.maybe i just need a vacation. But what would i do?

I am hoping that i have made the right decision. This new doc has me taking the shots in my back again. the first shots were not bad. I know the cortisone hurts for a few days but this time they are really bothering me. The very bottom shot that was done has become extremely pain full. I am thinking that maybe it is time to call the doc and let him know. I mean why go thru this, especially if it is not supposed to hurt like this. OK enough whining about my back. I'll tell you a new thing. I had a MRI done on my neck and got some concerning news. There are about four discs in my neck that are bulging. One of the is bulging and pushing on my spinal cord. It is pushing enough on the spinal cord that it is narrowing the spinal cord. they cannot tell for certain if the pressure is causing my spinal cord to swell but they can't say that it is not. I could not be still enough for the MRI to tell. I also have these little bony things that i can best explain as bone spurs basically all up an down my neck. Pretty much if i fall or get into a wreck or anything like that in which my neck and /or back can be injured i am not too far away from seriously injuring my spinal cord. Great news huh. It really makes you think. Especially if you are as clumsy as me. Now i have to make myself not dwell on all of this and just go on. Easier said than done. At least there is the slight possibility for a brighter side.... Someday... Right?

I done went and messed up. I had written a bit for today and then without hitting the publish button went to view blog so it erased it all. so kust a short recap. I had epidural/cortisone shots in my back monday. I have to go have the shots again for the next two mondays. It is somewhat fun being numb for a day, but the pain is not the fun part. the cortisone hurts till it really taked effect. That can take 2 days to a week, lovely. Well time to get my butt to bed.

Well, as you can see it has been a few days since i last wrote. One reason is it has just been a bit too cold and when it was warm i had so much other stuff to catch up on. But now i am just not sure what to write. Monday i go to the doctor for him to put more shots in my back. Sounds a little gruesome but if they help again then i have no problem with it. My truck seems to be tearing up on me. Imagine that, a vehicle i have doing that, Of course!!! I put my sholder surgery off till April 6th. I'm kinda glad cause it will be warmer weather, but it has been giving me just a little bit of a fit.I cut my hair today, well i didn't exactly do it myself but i got someone to shave the back of my hair. It is so much cooler temperature wise. Man am i lame or what?
What does a person do when they realize they are getting old? I have always said age doesn't bother me but the more gray hair i get and the more my body reminds me that i can't do the things i used to, the more the age thing bothers me. Maybe its just because the whole turning thirty this year and what do i have to show for my life... Nothing. I have done nothing but end up hurting or running off people i care about. I have no place of my own. I basically have no life . I just seem better at going with the flow so to speak. so here i go off on my own little side track. I ran across a shirt today that i really want to get one day. it said.. Those who don't know me fear me, those who do know me fear themselves. Ya i know lame again. well time to tuck my little dog pluto into bed. Its getting a bit cold to be typing. I was hoping i would see some snow before i went to bed. Told you i was crazy...