I think i have finally figured out what love is. It is a pathway to self destruction. At least for me it is, and always will be more than likely. I am really beginning to hate it if you could ever really hate love. It does nothing but let me destroy myself. to let me kill what is left of my heart and possibly my soul. It may not really be that way but it sure seems like it. But in reality i do it to myself. i love the wrong people. The ones i can never have. There is two people in my life that i love so much. So much its about to kill me. But that's all it will ever be is that i love them. They say they love me too, one says its the wrong time or era or whatever you want to call it. I still had hope, till today. And at the same time that hope got crushed and ground into the floor it felt like my heart stopped beating and all i could do was cry. Cry so bad that i was shaking. I wanted to die, i'm not saying i wanted to kill myself, i just wanted to die and be out of my misery. It felt like someone had just told me about a death in the family or something. I love her damn it. why do i have to love her why couldn't it be someone else i could actually be with? Why, why , why???? Cause its my punishment. That's my best guess, what else would be the reason. The other person i love i finally gave up on a few years ago and when i happen to tell them about this other person i get told well i never said it couldn't happen. I am so damn confused and frustrated and mad and hurt and lost. I feel like i need to go hide from the world so i don't have to deal with this shit anymore. I'm not sure if i can deal with this all much more. i have got to tell that one person tomorrow that i am sorry i have to tear my heart out for a bit and then let it heal then i will be able to be around you more with out it affecting me because i got to remind myself that you said this could never be. God hate myself, i knew not to do this, i knew not to let myself get this far, but i never listen to me. Funny huh? it doesn't feel very funny. I would do anything for this woman. I would die for this woman and at this point in time that's what it feels like. Like from one of my songs i like;and i'm the only one who'll drown in my desire for you, its only fears that makes you run, the demons that your hiding from, when all your promises are gone, i'm the only one. But WHY????? Why do i do this? Love ? Love is nothing more than a four letter word in sheep's clothing so you don't see that its the death of who you are.