questions, questions questions...

So it has come to this... Surgery on my neck. Lovely. I'll admit it, I'm scared. I have been thru other surgeries before but never had to worry about the doctor slipping just a millimeter or less and i could be paralyzed for life. So yeah I'm scared. You won't find me admitting it to many people. the way it is explained to me. the doctor is gonna take the disc that is between my 5th and 6th cervical vertebra and then put this cage in between them. He is gonna take some bone from my hip and put it in the cage and around the cage to take up all the space between the two vertebra. Last but not least he is going to put a metal plate covering the space and part of the other two vertebra and screw the plate o the 5th and 6th vertebra. And that should fix it. As long as my body doesn't reject the bone, or it does not slip before it bonds. So many things that could happen. I have been put on morphine from my doctor to help with the pain. But the morphine makes me irritable, very irritable. i am wondering if i can make it for a month without pissing everyone off or them hating me before i can get it changed. I hope they can all understand. I'd say there will be some that won't.
Even after i get it changed i am worried about what will happen cause all the restrictions that will be on me because of the surgery will drive me crazy.
Sometimes i wonder if i truly have as much control over my mind as i think i do.
sometimes i wonder....